You can only control your own behavior.Īnd whether it’s at work or your personal life, if you want this relationship to be functional, you have to accept it’s on you. Again, if this was a realistic possibility, you probably wouldn’t be reading this.
You’re right.” And if they do, don’t expect lasting improvements. Talk to them all you want, they are probably never going to say, “Oh, I get it now. What attitude do you need to have to deal with them?Ģ) Quit Trying To Change Them And Start Changing Yourself Maybe you can’t leave this job or you don’t want to get a divorce or it’s otherwise too difficult to extract yourself from the situation. (To learn how to overcome bullies at work, click here.)Īlright, you can’t run. And they’ll probably keep the hunt going (actively or passively) while trying to lure you back.
They probably resurfaced because the last pushover they dealt with finally wised up and ran, or they’re looking to upgrade. They’ll repeatedly try and seduce you back (figuratively or literally).Īnd when you think they’re out of your life they’ll pop up again - utterly forgetting their poor behavior in the past. Don’t be flattered. And getting away from them is often not easy. You want to have as little contact as possible with people who have these issues. I get it, but it’s pretty much required that I say “run.” I know, I know - if you could easily leave, you probably wouldn’t be reading this. So ask yourself, “Would I expect a two-year-old to keep promises or remember to do chores, or be alone for more than a few minutes, or understand how to act at a formal gathering, or wait for anything, or do something that he or she didn’t want to do, or be at ease in new situations, or to go along with a change of plans?” Of course you wouldn’t. They often do not remember past emotions, thoughts, or behaviors, and they feel convinced that their present emotion will last forever. Only the specific emotions that BP/NPs are having in the present moment are real. They typically do not believe that anything or anyone in their world is permanent. In terms of emotional development, BP/NPs are more similar to two-year-olds than to adults. You’re not going to fix them.įrom Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist:
And people with real NPD or BPD basically have the emotional development of a two-year-old. So what should you do if you find yourself being taken advantage of by a narcissist or borderline? (To learn how to deal with a psychopath, click here.) Because when very emotionally healthy people find themselves working for or romantically involved with a narcissist or borderline they usually say, “I’m outta here.” (And you will constantly feel needed because narcissists always need a cheerleader and borderlines are experts at creating new sources of stress for themselves.)Īnd you may have some self-esteem issues.
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